Am I Too White?Is There Something Wrong With My Whiteness?
I have had the odd experience of being misunderstood,or else being critiqued over, my natural skin color. (But not the usual racism i have endured from Black people since my early childhood,living and going to public schools in the "inner city".)
For the 3rd time , i have gotten comments that confused me,pertaining to the color of my skin,along with questions.....from other Caucasian people!!!!!
No I do not powder my skin with silica.
No this is not "whiteface". (Although I DO own Ben Nye Cream Makeup in white, that I have used in Goth clubs and for my zebra stripe makeup. ) And sometimes i need to add white to my foundation if it is not pale enough to match my complexion.
In this day and age, must I explain my cultural heritage in hopes people understand?
For the record:
I am mostly of English heritage, with some Irish, Scottish, German and Swedish thrown in.
Years ago I was teased about my pale skin,but not the "typical racism" that might be from people of other colors.This was teasing by fellow Whiteys,good natured though it may have been.I do not tan.Not only wouldn't i WANT to, I simply can NOT even if i DID want to!.My skin doesn't darken in Summertime.It can burn very easily,and I can get sun poisoning,which is red with blisters, and painful and then itchy...it's not a good or healthy thing at all.Sun exposure is dangerous for folks like me. I got my first case of sun poisoning when i was just 2 years old.I remember that stinky sulfur cream the pediatriciam prescribed. I never could tolerate the sun.I was a redhead.I could never wear bathing suits at the beach without a big t-shirt on top.My Dad got 7 skin cancers cut off him before he died.
The second time I got teased or challenged for my skin color was when I was considering auditioning for a dance establishment in town.I was being "scouted" by someone,another White woman but with a warmer and darker color.Maybe she was part Italian.Maybe she was part some kind of Spanish.
All I know is when she got a better look at me she said "What's up with your skin?"
I responded with understandible confusion.I did not have acne,nor did I have wrinkling beyond a few feint forehead lines.
Then she pointed to my arms and legs. (It was summertime and I was wearing my normal miniskirt, bare midriff and thigh high stockings,which I wear during the day as well as at night in the clubs).
She meant my skin color!She said don;t I tan?
I said back to her "I can't".
WHY would I want to?
But apparently if I wanted to work at her silly burlesque establishment AKA a "Gentleman's Club", I would have to use a spray tanner or self tanner or something because real genuine WHITES were not desired there (!).
This was not a Black folks' club.
It was a strip joint!!!!!! And NOT a classy one either.
I told her thanks but no thanks. I'm not gonna change my skin color for a gig.
Would anybody tell a Black person they had to bleach their skin?You'd be reading about this on the front page of the papers along with interviews by civil rights leaders.People would lose their MINDS.
But its okay to be like this to a White person. (!)
I am pretty sure she was a bartender because she did not have the body of a dancer.(That's my trying to be polite here.I think you know what I'm really saying.)
Gentleman;s Club.now THERE'S a funny name.
(From my personal experience as a stage dancer and rock video dancer, Gentlemans' Clubs are the sleaziest kinds of "strip joints".I have seen THE most decrepit things go on in "Gentlemans' Clubs" that I never saw in hole in the wall bikini bars or other strip joints.Even "Live Nude Shows" places were not as sleazy as Gentlemans' Clubs.I saw prostitution acts going on that the girls could never get away with in smaller places.I was truly horrified at some of what I've seen through the years.)
Its hard to make halfway decent pay if some of your co-workers are putting out.This is why so many people assume "all" dancers/strippers are also whores!
Not to mention, "Gentlemans Clubs" usually require "tip outs" or stage fees the dancers must pay, a percentage of their tips goes to a head bartender or a den mother or whomeverthefuck..
I don;t pay "stage fees".On principle!
Its bad enough that i hafta pay taxes.But I won;t share my tips with someone who did not earn them.Bartenders get tips.Other employees at these clubs should get paid so the dancers wages are not clipped!
So....
a few days ago I got a comment on one of my YouTube videos where somebody thought I looked too white.....but Naturally the person did not have a profile photo nor even a name.It was just a "blue head (derisive term for people on Google Plus or with Google-YouTube accounts who do not make videos and do not have a profile photo.)
People without profile photos are the most common people to make fun of other people. Laugh at me because i look "funny' yet you don;t show YOUR face. WTF.
So now I look too White?
Am I supposed to be ashamed of this?
You wouldn't tell a Black person they were too black!And trust me,some skin is so dark it is not brown, not even greenish brown.there IS black, or close to it..
And it is considered racist to criticize them on that BUT you can make fun of a White person because supposedly we have "privilege".
OOOOkay.
Scuse me but where I live, in MY neighborhood it's not MY demographic that is in control.I don;t feel safe in my neighborhood unless police are patrolling within eyesight.
Where I live,. "White aint right"....for lots of people.There aren;'t a lot of us in my neighborhood.To call it multicultural is the understatement of the year.
Where's my privilege?Often I am THIS close to getting my ass beat down for offending some dirtbag by daring to complain at them screaming fighting under my bedroom window at 4 am.Drug dealers.Hookers.Pimps.Gang activity all around my home.Very few of those people are "Honkeys".
Half the people....over half the people don't speak English and of the English speakers,"Ebonics" is the primary dialect.It sure isn't the Queen's English!
So it is 2018 and even Whites don;t like Whites if we are "too" White.
Huh?
I'm supposed to apologize?
People are crazy!
I better not say "Pride" or I'll get in more trouble.....
For the 3rd time , i have gotten comments that confused me,pertaining to the color of my skin,along with questions.....from other Caucasian people!!!!!
No I do not powder my skin with silica.
No this is not "whiteface". (Although I DO own Ben Nye Cream Makeup in white, that I have used in Goth clubs and for my zebra stripe makeup. ) And sometimes i need to add white to my foundation if it is not pale enough to match my complexion.
In this day and age, must I explain my cultural heritage in hopes people understand?
For the record:
I am mostly of English heritage, with some Irish, Scottish, German and Swedish thrown in.
Years ago I was teased about my pale skin,but not the "typical racism" that might be from people of other colors.This was teasing by fellow Whiteys,good natured though it may have been.I do not tan.Not only wouldn't i WANT to, I simply can NOT even if i DID want to!.My skin doesn't darken in Summertime.It can burn very easily,and I can get sun poisoning,which is red with blisters, and painful and then itchy...it's not a good or healthy thing at all.Sun exposure is dangerous for folks like me. I got my first case of sun poisoning when i was just 2 years old.I remember that stinky sulfur cream the pediatriciam prescribed. I never could tolerate the sun.I was a redhead.I could never wear bathing suits at the beach without a big t-shirt on top.My Dad got 7 skin cancers cut off him before he died.
The second time I got teased or challenged for my skin color was when I was considering auditioning for a dance establishment in town.I was being "scouted" by someone,another White woman but with a warmer and darker color.Maybe she was part Italian.Maybe she was part some kind of Spanish.
All I know is when she got a better look at me she said "What's up with your skin?"
I responded with understandible confusion.I did not have acne,nor did I have wrinkling beyond a few feint forehead lines.
Then she pointed to my arms and legs. (It was summertime and I was wearing my normal miniskirt, bare midriff and thigh high stockings,which I wear during the day as well as at night in the clubs).
She meant my skin color!She said don;t I tan?
I said back to her "I can't".
WHY would I want to?
But apparently if I wanted to work at her silly burlesque establishment AKA a "Gentleman's Club", I would have to use a spray tanner or self tanner or something because real genuine WHITES were not desired there (!).
This was not a Black folks' club.
It was a strip joint!!!!!! And NOT a classy one either.
I told her thanks but no thanks. I'm not gonna change my skin color for a gig.
Would anybody tell a Black person they had to bleach their skin?You'd be reading about this on the front page of the papers along with interviews by civil rights leaders.People would lose their MINDS.
But its okay to be like this to a White person. (!)
I am pretty sure she was a bartender because she did not have the body of a dancer.(That's my trying to be polite here.I think you know what I'm really saying.)
Gentleman;s Club.now THERE'S a funny name.
(From my personal experience as a stage dancer and rock video dancer, Gentlemans' Clubs are the sleaziest kinds of "strip joints".I have seen THE most decrepit things go on in "Gentlemans' Clubs" that I never saw in hole in the wall bikini bars or other strip joints.Even "Live Nude Shows" places were not as sleazy as Gentlemans' Clubs.I saw prostitution acts going on that the girls could never get away with in smaller places.I was truly horrified at some of what I've seen through the years.)
Its hard to make halfway decent pay if some of your co-workers are putting out.This is why so many people assume "all" dancers/strippers are also whores!
Not to mention, "Gentlemans Clubs" usually require "tip outs" or stage fees the dancers must pay, a percentage of their tips goes to a head bartender or a den mother or whomeverthefuck..
I don;t pay "stage fees".On principle!
Its bad enough that i hafta pay taxes.But I won;t share my tips with someone who did not earn them.Bartenders get tips.Other employees at these clubs should get paid so the dancers wages are not clipped!
So....
a few days ago I got a comment on one of my YouTube videos where somebody thought I looked too white.....but Naturally the person did not have a profile photo nor even a name.It was just a "blue head (derisive term for people on Google Plus or with Google-YouTube accounts who do not make videos and do not have a profile photo.)
People without profile photos are the most common people to make fun of other people. Laugh at me because i look "funny' yet you don;t show YOUR face. WTF.
So now I look too White?
Am I supposed to be ashamed of this?
You wouldn't tell a Black person they were too black!And trust me,some skin is so dark it is not brown, not even greenish brown.there IS black, or close to it..
And it is considered racist to criticize them on that BUT you can make fun of a White person because supposedly we have "privilege".
OOOOkay.
Scuse me but where I live, in MY neighborhood it's not MY demographic that is in control.I don;t feel safe in my neighborhood unless police are patrolling within eyesight.
Where I live,. "White aint right"....for lots of people.There aren;'t a lot of us in my neighborhood.To call it multicultural is the understatement of the year.
Where's my privilege?Often I am THIS close to getting my ass beat down for offending some dirtbag by daring to complain at them screaming fighting under my bedroom window at 4 am.Drug dealers.Hookers.Pimps.Gang activity all around my home.Very few of those people are "Honkeys".
Half the people....over half the people don't speak English and of the English speakers,"Ebonics" is the primary dialect.It sure isn't the Queen's English!
So it is 2018 and even Whites don;t like Whites if we are "too" White.
Huh?
I'm supposed to apologize?
People are crazy!
I better not say "Pride" or I'll get in more trouble.....
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